It’s that time of year again when children of all ages head back to the classroom. There are those who argue that the agrarian, out in May and back in August, calendar should be a thing of the past and kids should go to school year round. I disagree. I believe that young people need time to be children, engage in and enjoy summer activities, swim, play sports or have the space to work “full-time” for a while and do other things free of any academic pressures or responsibilities.
As we head back to school there are things that should be done, or avoided, in order to make kids as successful and well rounded as they can be. A longitudinal study in the United Kingdom that followed over 17,000 people since 1958 has some startling conclusions. Their analysis suggests that children who were told to “dream big” suffered undesirable impacts to life satisfaction in early adulthood and that it tended to negatively color their view of the quality of the rest of their lives. The study concluded that of course children should be encouraged to “dream” but the adults in their lives should temper those expectations based on the child’s actual talents and abilities. Young people who dream of being a world class surgeon as an example, but who don’t do well in science classes or who couldn’t stand the sight of blood need to be dissuaded from that surgical dream and encouraged into something more realistic. The idea is not rob children of their hopes but rather to mold their dreams into something attainable. Falsely boosting their self-esteem by promoting delusional dreams or unrealistic expectations is not being supportive. It is a recipe for crushing disappointment. My childhood dream was to become a major league baseball player; the only thing standing in my way is a lack of talent. My parents cheered me on as I played baseball at all levels growing up but also encouraged me to have a practical “Plan B” in case my baseball dream turned out to be unrealistic. I will be forever grateful for both their support of my playing and for their advice in case professional baseball turned out not to be a viable career opportunity.
Study after study says that people who are the most successful in life are those with “grit”. They persevere and do what the old adage suggests, “… try, try again.” Parents shouldn’t solve every problem for their kids and they certainly shouldn’t fight their children’s battles for them. Young people need to learn their actions have consequences and how to take their lumps. If they don’t learn that now, when the stakes and penalties are relatively low, it will only lead to more serious situations in the future. Research has proven that if people want healthy, successful kids then parents should do the following things: make kids do chores and be responsible, teach children to be polite, limit screen time, help them figure out and then indulge their positive passions and teach young people respect and consideration for others.
In the old days, bullying was in person. Now, cyber bullying is all the rage. A team from the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia says, “… Victims of online bullying in early adolescence are more likely to report suicidal thoughts and attempts going far beyond that of offline bullying.” Social media is toxic for kids, especially younger children. A study published last year in the Archives of Disease in Childhood examined the increase in the number of teenagers with disorders and found social media to blame. Things like dangerous Tik Tok challenges, unrealistic beauty and body depictions as well as advertising in general all have negative impacts on teens and pre-teens. A study published by Cambridge University found that social media use negatively impacted mental health and life satisfaction for young people; for girls especially between the ages of 11-13 and boys ages 14-15.
In a related note, online “learning” is a waste of time and resources. The NWEA (Northwest Evaluation Association) analyzed data from 8.3 million students from 25,000 public schools and has found that students will need more than 3 years of in-person, face-to-face, instruction to overcome the academic gap created by online learning during the pandemic. If you’re a parent who cares about your children’s academic progress and getting the most out of school, don’t allow them to take online classes. Perhaps later in life, once a person has matured and developed individual interests, then online learning via YouTube etc. may be an option. However, for kids now in school online “learning” is a sham and steals children’s time while denying them any real education.
Finally, ask your child’s teacher to change the seating chart from time to time. Researchers say that assigned seats go a long way to establishing friendships in school. Kids are more likely to make friendships with the people physically close to them in class. Those friendships, once established, last even if that friend is “moved away” in a new seating chart. An experienced elementary teacher shared her strategy for making sure no child feels alone. She has her students write down four people they’d like to sit by in a new seating chart on a regular schedule. She then analyzes that chart to see who the “Charlie Brown kids” are – those children who aren’t chosen as preferred seatmates. That teacher then makes a chart seating that isolated student next to the most gregarious and kindhearted children in her classroom, trying to assist that little one out of their shell and into friendships. It’s worth a try and merits a mention at your first parent-teacher conference with your child’s teacher this year.
I hope all have a safe, successful and fun school year.