It’s time to go back to school. Of course, teachers have been back to school since, at least, the first of August. They’ve been working in their rooms, attending in-service or conducting activity and athletic practices. Some activities have already had their first varsity competitions and school doesn’t even begin until August 16th in Mitchell.
How can parents prepare their children for success in school both academically and socially? There are several things parents can do to ensure their child has a good school year.
First, parents should make clear that the lines of communication are open. Kids in general, but teenagers in particular, have no confidence that their “ancient” parents will understand today’s pressures and problems. They are skeptical that their parents’ experiences can translate from the “Stone Age” when Mom and Dad were little Neanderthals to modern day and the technological world that children reside in currently. Parents should make clear that any and all topics are okay to talk about, hold your temper and temper your discipline when your child tells you unwelcome or unpleasant news. When you pick your drunk child up from an underage drinking party, that is not the time to talk about choices or consequences. Wait until the next morning, when you’ve cooled down and Junior has sobered up to have a conversation. When you have that little talk, the first thing out of a parent’s mouth should be how grateful and proud they are that their child called for a ride rather than making the terrible choice of riding with a drunk driver or driving home drunk themselves. After that, lower the boom – gently and reasonably – making your expectations and consequences clear with your indoor voice and civil tones.
The second thing parents can do is make sure their child fits in. In the 1970’s that meant longer hair for boys, even shoulder length, rather than haircuts one might have received ala Fort Dix in Dad’s day. While one doesn’t need an absolutely up to date fashion sense, students who are stylistically in step with current trends with their clothing will experience less harassment, bullying and ostracism than students who don’t. I taught Social Studies at Mitchell High School for thirty-six years and can recall in the 1980’s when Jordache jeans were king and those without them were taunted mercilessly. Analogous styles and haircuts that were all the rage over the years produced similar results, pro and con – depending on where the student was on the fashion scale. Adults may think it is an expense and an extravagance that really doesn’t matter but it really does, in teens’ social circles especially. The more your child fits in and the less they stand out, the more pleasant socially their experience at school will be. Naturally there is nothing you can do about weight or height (freakishly tall or short – and those standards vary by sex), but you can do something about the way they dress and wear their hair.
The third thing parents can do is to make sure their children are on a schedule and getting enough sleep. That may mean limiting a teen’s working hours or socializing. It will mean helping students with time management and modification of screen as well as social media time. For example, most teachers give a week’s notice or more of an upcoming test. Encourage your kids to study during that entire week for the exam as opposed to pulling one “all nighter” the evening before the test. Regular hours and restful sleep every night on – more or less – the same schedule (same time to bed and same time to rise) are vital for success in school. A tired, stressed out youngster will be an unsuccessful student which then feeds a downward cycle.
In the same vein, the fourth thing parents can do is keep a handle on a child’s commitments. Just because your kid is a brainiac doesn’t mean their schedule should be chock full of AP courses. That’s not realistic nor is it healthy. Athletics and activities are fine, good in fact, but they shouldn’t be priority number one – academics are. Your child needs “down time” and 24/7 whirlwinds of school, activities, work and chores is not good for them. They probably won’t be a good judge of what they can reasonably handle. Even more likely will be the fact they don’t want to disappoint a teacher, an advisor or coach or a boss at work and certainly not you – so they will move mountains (to their own detriment) not to be a “failure” to any one of these authority figures whose respect they’re trying to earn or retain. You are the parent. It may be necessary for you to step in and be “the bad guy” – telling a coach, director or boss your child won’t be participating that week or in that specific event. When you do that, be sure to be conversational and explain your reasoning as well as the fact that you are the one making this decision rather than your child.
The fifth thing parents can do is to make sure their student has all the necessary tools for success. That will mean school supplies, a calculator etc. It also means a space of their own for study, without your interruptions or past times (loud woodworking, shouting at televised sportscasts etc.) getting in the way. In addition, it means checking in with your child. “Do you have homework?” “What is due tomorrow?” “What is your schedule/activities for the day/week?” etc. are all questions your child should face daily. You needn’t make it a detective noir interrogation under hot lights, but parental neglect or autopilot breeds academic droop or even failure.
Last and most important, be an involved parent. Take an interest in your child’s academic work, even if you are unable to be of assistance. Attend your child’s parent-teacher conferences, answer the emails or phone calls from their teachers and act on the advice and counsel of those teachers regarding your child. Attend your student’s events – concerts, athletic or activity events – and be a supportive rather than a critical or embarrassing parent in the audience or stands.
These are simple things, easy to do and which will make a material difference in the life and success of your child this school year. However, you must do them and do them consistently. It also doesn’t hurt to tell a kid, no matter how old they are, that you love them and are proud of them once in a while too.